idiots in uniforms


Written: 1992
Released: 2001 on 'The Ballad Of Ruben Garcia'



In days at school I played the fool
As dumb as I could be
My shirt and tie
Were all awry
Though they looked alright to me
But oh my teachers were distressed
To see me looking such a mess
Rebellion left them unimpressed
And oh those clothes

They made me join the school cadets
All berets and shiny boots
They said the khaki army will set you up
For the army dressed in suits

And get ready for inspection
Everybody stand to attention
Ooh look Sergeant Major's got an erection
Oh what a thrill for


Idiots in uniforms
Some are made and some are born
They live their lives in little swarms
Idiots in uniforms
Idiots in uniforms

But all the same
The day soon came
To leave them all behind
And it was no surprise
When my demise
Led to the unemployment line

But oh the job club were distressed
To see me looking such a mess
My mohican left them unimpressed
And oh those clothes

Why not join the Police Force
They need good men like you
But I've got a sense of humour
And that would never do
For who are we sir? Michael Schumacher?
And this car sire is this your vehicle?
Are you black sir? That's illegal
Oh for the wit of


Idiots in uniforms
Some are made and some are born
They live their lives in little swarms
Idiots in uniforms
Idiots in uniforms

So with my guitar
I made a start
On my glittering career
I climbed and climbed
Up through the ranks
And finally I'm here

But oh Za Za was so distressed
To see me looking such a mess
Of course my songs left her unimpressed
And oh those clothes

Get yourself down Kensington
And buy yourself some gear
But I'd rather walk round naked
Than have to sit and hear
Oh do you like it? It's really super
'Course it's all pure natural fibre
Cost a fortune down Hyper Hyper
God give me strength for


Idiots in uniforms
Some are made and some are born
They live their lives in little swarms
Idiots in uniforms
Idiots in uniforms

Oh I'll be a traitor
I'll betray my King
I'll be a burglar
I'll go breaking in
I'll be a tramp
God I'll be anything
But never let me be


An idiot in uniform
Some are made and some are born
They live their lives in little swarms
Idiots in uniforms
Idiots in uniforms...

© Philip Jeays 1992
Philip Jeays © Sean K

Released April 18th 2016 Take The Slow Train album

© Philip Jeays 2011-2016