the man from del monte


Released: 2000 on 'Cupid Is A Drunkard'
Based very firmly on Jacques Brel's
song 'Jacky'- "Even if one day in Knokke-le-Zoute
(Belgian seaside town) I become what I most dread, a
singer for women expiring, even if I have to get drunk
on mead to better talk of virilty to old dears decked out
like Christmas trees, I know that however drunk I may
be, each night for pink elephants I'll sing my morose
song about the time they called me Jacky - 'Oh to be for
an hour, only an hour, just an hour, sometimes, handsome,
handsome and stupid at the same time'".




Even if one day I go straight to number one
Miming to a song I've never even sung
Even if one day my management suggest
A tragic early death might be for the best
Even if one day standing round my grave
People drink champagne whilst their children misbehave


Ah my youth I'll still remember you
You who promised you never would
End up singing American
With a real plastic leather jacket attitude
And even if I should go
From town to town from show to show
With a hundred heavies all in tow to mind me
Even if the women lust
With panting lips and heaving bust
Till my songs are just a memory behind me
Even if my video
Should tell the kids to just say no
Then back stage after every show you find me
Sitting there quite happily
Taking all they offer me
Losing all my dignity
Even if one day I be
The Man from Del Monte
And even if one day I think that just because I'm me
I can wallow in a mire of mediocrity
Even if one day I sing shooby dooby do
Doowop doowop doowop hey dibby dobby do
Even if one day my nightmare is all mine
As a man in Luxembourg says deux points Grande Bretagne


Ah my youth I'll still remember you
You who promised you never would
End up farting on Eurovision
As only a real arsehole could
And even if I lose it all
A has-been before I've been at all
A singer all the critics call engaging
Even if I spend my life
Queuing up to have my wife
And just a surgeon's knife away from ageing
Even if not anyone
Can hum a single song I've sung
And my come back concerts one by one are failing
Still I'll take all they offer me
Anything for any fee
ITV or BBC
Even if they do call me
The Man from Del Monte
And even if one day I believe God the Son
Or maybe the God the Father or God the other one
Even if one day my mind becomes so weak
I have to dribble prayers seven days a week
Even if one day I think that just because I'm old
People should respect me and do just as they're told


Ah my youth I'll still remember you
You who promised you never would
End up singing on Songs of Praise
For the Almighty Blue Rinse Sisterhood
And if one fateful night
In a blur of flashing light
The angels come all dressed in white to take me
Even when they take my arm
And lead me through that veil of calm
Then put me on that funny farm and leave me
Even in my padded cell
Yes even there they'll know full well
That though they beg I'll never tell my secret
Though they think that I may be
Just as mad as I can be
Well let me tell you honestly
I'm not the man they think they see
I am the man from Del Monte

© Philip Jeays
Philip Jeays © Sean K

Released April 18th 2016 Take The Slow Train album

© Philip Jeays 2011-2016